Abraham de mis Sueños

Soñé en ti, que fuéramos en las Cabinas

This week we have a short fiction piece followed by a few bonus items. I hope everybody had a nice Thanksgiving.

Abraham de Mis Sueños

He appeared inside one of the most improvised Cabinas I had ever seen. These were literally a two bedroom apartment nearby a metro station. Constant posting to a twitter account and several WhatsApp groups kept a steady flow of men coming through all day and night. There was clutter everywhere and I remember spending the majority of my time in the hallway looking through the space between the 2 curtains that hung in each of the door frames at what was going on inside. I can’t remember how many of us were in there. Then, suddenly, Abraham appeared.

While it’s always a shock to run into someone from the real world, inside of las cabinas, Abraham was not from the city, so it was even more surprising.

I’d only known of him traveling here once before. He came here with a friend, also from Veracruz. I began noticing him posting pictures of the two of them together visiting museums, and eating continental breakfast in some downtown hotel.

I replied to one of his stories with a simple ‘Bienvenido,” to which he left an equally coy reply. This was way better than being ignored but far from what’s necessary to meet up.

He still hadn’t followed me back, which is why I didn’t give the situation much attention.

But here he was walking around esas cabinas as if he were a real chilango.

Instead of pouncing on him instantly, I gave him some space. After all, I’d been lusting after his Instagram photos for exactly 4 years. Plus I wanted to see what he would do. Would he look at me? Would he make a move? Would he invite me to do anything with his eyes? Or would he continue to ignore me and graciously accept my adoration while offering nothing back in return.

Some other stocky, hairy, twink jumped into the space I was exploring; first with his eyes, which scanned Abraham’s hairless milky brown body, over his stomach which swelled out of his boxers dotted with a forest of black pubic hair.

Abraham kept his torso exactly where his admirer could see it, he didn't flinch, he just stared back, his eyes saying; “come and get me.”

I think it was Abraham who pushed the curtain aside and the frisky stocky hairy cabina rat walked in with Abraham following behind him.

My heart sank into my gut as I’d just realized I had made a bad move. I thought that Abraham would react negatively to my being too aggressive but it turned out he was ready and it was really just a matter of who dared first.

I resigned to watching them from a distance. I was still excited that I’d actually catch a glimpse further into the world of this mysterious crush than I’d ever been before. His Instagram pictures were full of contradictions. No shirtless selfies in bathroom mirrors from this guy. He was an artist, and he portrayed his world as a thing of beauty.

The room they entered wasn’t a private one. There was no such thing where we were. Behind the curtain were a couple of twin beds, low to the ground, with plastic mattresses on top of them. They were perfectly suited for an orgy of 5 or a sardine can of 10. I’d participated in orgies like these, in other places, usually on Sunday afternoons, when nobody had anything better to do.

I stood in the hallway and watched them through the transparent curtain and through the gaps on either side. They were touching each other, perhaps they were kissing. They both fiddled with the curtain trying to squeeze a little more privacy out of it.

Abraham would pull it to cover his side, fully exposing his partner, who would instinctively pull it back exposing Abraham. At this moment Abraham saw me outside in the hallway looking right at him.

I wan’t ready for him to see me starting at him. I was embarrassed. Did he know that I had been staring at his half naked pictures on Instagram for the past 4 years? He gave me the same fearless look that he gave to the other guy.

He looked at me and he didn't look away. He stared at me without fear, judgment, or hesitation. He wanted more, of what he probably coudnt’t say, but this return gaze was an example of why it was worth it to make a trip to Las Cabinas instead of just using Grindr or instagram for La Puteria.

Here the context has been reduced to a keyhole. A heart on instagram could mean one million different things but a stare, in las cabinas, could mean only a small few. Most of them involving an opportunity to explore this person who had caused me to go crazy with desire, all while realizing so many other fantasies at the same time.

But immediately, his gaze gave me permission to continue standing in the doorway and enjoy the scene that was unfolding before me. Abraham was now laying down on one of the beds, the cabina rat had removed Abraham’s boxer briefs and he had just got off of the bed to remove his own. While taking off his jeans he took out a condom from his pocket.

He unwrapped it as carelessly as he had unwrapped Abraham. He spit out the wrapper and put the condom on his penis all at once.

He got back onto the bed and began walking on his knees as he lifted Abraham’s legs up like he was opening the hood of a car. He was ruggedly handsome and his body contrasted nicely against Abrahams milky brown innocently beautiful body and the patches of black hair that sprouted from his armpits and crotch.

Once the cabina rat had lined up his genetils with Abraham’s he placed their cocks, both hard as rubber, next to each one another and jerked them off for a few minutes. You could tell this was the climax of intimacy between them and that the cabina rat was about to stab Abraham to death until he came and forget that Abraham even had a cock that could also orgasm. He’d leave that for somebody else in las cabinas, hopefully me.

It seemed that Abraham was beginning to feel a bit bored. He seemed to be inching himself away from the cabina rat. His head was not even supported by the bed anymore. The cabina rat had to inch closer and closer to keep their genetils lined up for his penetration.

Eventually he felt ready, placed both his hands on the underside of each of Abraham’s knees, and began trying to stab his dick into Abraham.

I’d been in this position before. It seems like sometimes no matter what happens, two bodies just don’t want to fit together. It is possible that Abraham was subtly not cooperating because he simply didn’t trust this cabina rat not to cause him immense pain by shoving his unlubricated rubbery condom into Abrahams velvety asshole.

Every time he he made even a little progress inside of Abraham he would let out a screech, and push himself away with his hands, until he was almost falling off the bed. I was so focused on how beautiful Abraham’s body was, as it folded up that it caught me by surprise when suddenly he hit the floor barking out

“-ta madre!”

My body jumped as if it were me falling on to the floor. But instead of falling on my back, my entire body pulsed, as I was lying on my stomach one arm up underneath my doubled pillow and the other hugging my other pillow tightly as I was tying to fall asleep, alone in my bed. I was in my sister’s guest room, I had been home for over a week. I had not had sex or masturbated in over a week and I was beginning to have sexual dreams. I rushed to fall asleep quickly hoping that my subconscious would give me more of this.

I closed my eyes and imagined Abrahams body on the bed of the improvised cabinas and how I would have turned him over and buried my face in between the cheeks of his ass and caressed each of them with my hands.

I imagined how it would have tasted if I had stuck my tongue inside of the tiny hole, opening it as much as I could, desperately searching for meaning, as I did with each of his pictures that he posted daily, trying to figure out what was calling and demanding so much of my attention and provoking so much desire.

I held open his ass cheeks and blew air across his sensitive ‘culo’ electrifying his senses and taking us to the same place.

I kissed it, and spat inside of it, lubricating it way more than necessary for a fuck but determined to continue until I ran out of saliva or until whatever I desired so much from him finally happened.

Only then would I climb on top of him and begin sliding my cock across his slimy ass crack, my precum would mix with my saliva and my bulging penis head would begin to poke inside of his expanding anus.

We would create a place were our genitals were doing all the thinking and our mortal bodies and our stupid minds would watch in awe as something happened between us neither of us could take credit for.

I wasn’t falling back asleep and I began to lay on my back and just enjoy being better at sex than the cabina rat, and feel as if I was the only person in the world who could give pleasure to Abraham.

I grabbed for my phone and opened my Instagram. I searched for Abraham and scrolled down through the hundreds of pictures until I found the one that still fascinates me to this day.

I read the caption for the first time. It is written in Spanish and it translates to

. . . at that age they become violent and do damage to each other. 

The quote reminded me of the cabina rat and how painful sex can be with guys like that.

I put down my phone and tried to go to sleep again, only to pick it right back up. I opened Instagram but it had already returned to my main feed. There was a picture of an activist in Mexico City with a million hash tags about being proud to be HIV Positive.

I asked myself if I was proud to be HIV positive. The question made me uncomfortable.

At first it seems like something that I’m neither proud or ashamed of. But in this moment, I couldn’t help but juxtapose my dream about the cabina rat’s assault of Abraham vs my corresponding bareback fantasy.

I can’t deny that I do feel some pride to have not been able to prevent my HIV infection by conducting myself in the same way as the Cabina rat. Sure, there is a middle ground in between my bareback fantasy and the painful, selfish, one sided, sexual style the cabina rat.

Say what you want about the cabina rat, but his HIV risk is 0. Becasue of this, this is exactly how we’re taught to have sex. In Mexico City, I overcame all of this ‘education’ in order to find out for myself what sex really is.

Eventually I did end up falling back asleep. My dream resumed, and as far as I know, Abraham and I did do something, but the details are fuzzy. All I can remember is that there was an earthquake alarm and we all had to evacuate.

This was my first time dreaming about la puteria. I have been hoping for more ever since.

How many abandoned dreams have been found in Las Cabinas?

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Book Find

One of my goals for next year is to read more, so I can write better. I’m looking for short stories by gay authors. Recently I picked up one that I had bought long ago, and never bothered to read. Its beautiful title is: In September the Light Changes, by Andrew Holleran.

To my surprise, the first story takes place in Oaxaca, Mexico. The story is set in the 1990’s and they often make some very nasty comments about the state of Mexico City. I don’t know much about Mexico City in the 1990’s, but I’m really enjoying the story. I hope the remaining 15 are just as good.

If any of you have any good recommendations or me, I’d love to hear them.